CUTIE PATOOTIES

These cutie patooties were hanging in the nurses office, and so I thought I'd snatch them up for a little photo shoot. They absolutely loved getting their pictures taken. And I don't know about you, but this giggle fest is probably the most adorable thing I've ever seen. 

IT IS WORTH IT

Life in Haiti has been far from what I expected. I am currently in my fourth month and have been struck with the realization there will be more rough days than delightful ones. There have been many moments where I find myself stuck in the valley, drained and frustrated.

I used to think missionaries in foreign lands were "super Christians" who had it all together. I'm now realizing this is not true. Missionaries, like everyone else, need lots and lots of grace. I will be the first to admit, as the old hymn says, "I need Thee every hour." 

Although that reality currently rings true for me right now, I can say with full confidence that following Jesus is worth it all. From getting attacked with hugs from a mob of kindergarteners, to being followed around everywhere by the same two first grade girls everyday, to building relationships with unexpected students, to loudly singing songs about Jesus, to seeing the excitement in a young face when I visit their home. It is worth it. 

Every moment I spend at the school and in the village visiting homes, I am reminded of why I am here: to radiate the love of Jesus as I enter into their lives. So although life here has been difficult, I feel fortunate to serve Him in this way. I cannot wait to see what God has in store as I continue serving the beautiful students of Grace Emmanuel School. 

"Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me."  —Psalm 144:1-2

JEAN DANIEL

WEEP WITH THOSE WHO WEEP

I woke up to the sound of my telephone. I picked it up from my side table and opened a new message to find the heart wrenching news that one of our students passed away the night before. Immediately, tears streamed down my face. My heart sank into my chest, filling with anxiety. Who was it? Was is someone I knew and loved dearly? 

His name was Edmundo, one I could not quite recognize or put a face to. I rushed to my computer to find a picture of him and realized I did not know him well. Yet, instead of relief, my heart ached all the more. My tear drops got bigger. I laid down face first on my bed and started weeping. I pleaded desperately to Jesus for comfort and peace to his family, friends, and classmates. I questioned why this happens. Why an innocent 17-year-old boy was ripped from his family? Why a boy with a sweet demeanor taken from a place where those are rare?

I later found out that Edmundo was part of a loving family, a mother, father, and baby brother. They attended a local Christian church regularly. Edmundo was a good student, and well-liked by his peers and staff at Grace Emmanuel School. He has suffered from sickle cell anemia for much of his life, and was taken in the night by a terribly high fever.

Two days following his death was his funeral. Iselande and I walked in early together, to find Edmundo’s mother, brother, and two aunts sitting by the casket wearing beautiful white outfits. As we greeted them, I felt led to pray over them—so I got on my knees, grabbed his mother’s hands, and began to pray. As the first word left my lips, I started crying. Not because I felt the loss of Edmundo, but because I was broken for their loss. Weep with those who weep.

Not much later, KeKe and Wadly, students of GES and friends of Edmundo, walked in. As is customary in Haiti, they opened the casket before the funeral began for family and friends. Everyone, and I mean everyone, rushed over to the casket to take a last look. Moments later, KeKe came back with tears pouring out of his eyes. I pulled him over, put my arms around him, and he just wept in my lap. Of course, I could not help but cry with him. The pain he was experiencing broke my heart. Again, weep with those who weep.

The entire service, I couldn’t help but cry. KeKe sobbing to my right, Wadly emotionless on my left, and Docilienne, another student and cousin to Edmundo, next to him. Haitian funerals are unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never heard loud, dramatic wailing before. Almost every time someone started wailing uncontrollably, I’d look over to find Docilienne with tears streaming down her face. After the fourth time, I discreetly passed over my handkerchief; she needed it more than I did. 

Seeing students I love so much in sorrow and pain left my heart broken. Although it was terribly sad and heart-wrenching, I’m thankful God paved the way for me to be there. To love, to comfort, to be a presence for Jesus. And maybe for the first time, I truly grasped what Apostle Paul meant by weep with those who weep. 

What I experienced that day will forever be stamped on my soul. It’s something I can hardly explain with words. As Kristi (dear friend who lived here for two years) told me, it makes the promise, “He’ll wipe every tear from our eyes” mean something much different. Something more real. Now, more than ever, I can’t wait for the moment when we finally get to go home to Jesus and He’ll do just that. 

BACK ON THE ISLAND

To all those who faithfully keep up with my writings, please accept my apology. I've lacked both time and motivation to write. Also, since returning from Christmas break, I have yet to see the kids. Which, as you know, are the main source of my story telling. 

With that said, I do not have much to add. I have no fun stories or magical epiphanies. 

But what I do have is this: 

I am so happy to be back on the island. When I boarded my plane to return to Indiana for the holidays, I was not so sure I would want to come back (although I knew I would, regardless of how I felt). But, as we sped down the runway and lifted off American soil, my heart was filled with excited anticipation for what is to come in this place. I know this is exactly where God wants me to be, complete with much growing, pain, and joy. And, of course, I can hardly wait to see my students again very soon!

Thank you to all who have and will continue to support me in this venture. Support of all sorts is deeply appreciated; and I would not be here without it.

DOING A "GOOD THING"

There are days when I feel like I’m going to go insane. Days when frustration beckons and the enemy bangs on my door like an angry landlord. Days when I feel like it’s time to throw in the towel, pack up my belongings, and call it quits. Days when it’s really hard to trust that the Lord has it all under control. Days where I find it hard to run boldly to the throne of grace. 

Living in a third world country and doing a “good thing” is not satisfying in and of itself. I used to romanticize oversea missions and thought missionaries had it all together; but, I’m willing to admit I need Jesus more than ever. My motivator, my source of strength, my place of refuge, my helper, my sustainer. The one who loves me beyond measure and has promised to be faithful to the end. If Jesus is not at the center, it will all be worthless and unfruitful with no light at the end of the tunnel. So no matter how long and narrow the tunnel might be, or how unrelenting the opposition, it will all be worth it to hear Jesus say, “well done my good and faithful servant.”

BEYOND THE MOUNTAINS

Not long ago, I met an elderly and brittle woman who is taking care of her grandson, one of our students. A woman who has probably spent 60+ years in survival mode, working hard just to eat for herself let alone provide for her family. Statistically speaking, it is likely she has been cheated on and abused physically by a man. Potentially by more than one, and more than once. She may have never finished school, and she has probably never experienced a hot shower or the luxury of running water in her home. She probably did not get her license and a working vehicle when she was 16 years old. Actually, she probably has not ever owned either of those things. Like many in the village, she may not even be able to sign her own name. There is a high probability she does not know her birthdate for sure. 

There's a Haitian proverb that says, "beyond the mountains, more mountains." No matter how many mountains climbed & overcome, there is always another. And on top of that (or rather underneath), with mountains come many valleys. 

The things one individual here in Haiti might go through in a lifetime is incredible, and far outweighs most. I cannot imagine, and will probably never be able to relate. I can not beat myself up about this, for I did not chose to be born and raised in the land of opportunities. However, I can chose to be thankful. I can live without the feeling of entitlement. I can extend compassion and love. I can go outside of the comfy, safe walls of my life to follow Jesus.  

WORLD SIGHT DAY

Today is World Sight Day, and so I'll celebrate with a handful of my favorite recent photos. To me, sight means being able to visually experience the beautiful work of our Maker. In a matter of moments, it can trigger all sorts of emotions, pull on your heart strings, and change your perspective. It's quite extraordinary. Without it, I would have never fallen in love with mountainous landscapes, witnessed breathtaking sunsets, or seen the beautiful faces of people so dear to my heart. I feel extremely blessed to have such a wonderful gift and hope to never take it for granted.

HE CAME TO HAITI

After fervent prayers, many journal entries, and surrendering to the Lord, something I thought would never happen did: my dad came to Haiti.

Ever since I decided to go to Haiti for the first time in 2011, my dad has not been so keen on me going. From what he had heard it was a completely God-forsaken place. Last year, I remember him telling me that he'd never step foot in Haiti, and couldn't understand why God would call me, a single white girl, to such a place. For a daddy's girl who regarded his opinion as highest, this was hard to go against. 

Before making my decision to move here full time, there were many things the Lord asked me to surrender. One of the hardest to give up was the need for my parents' support. I remember thinking of these words from Jesus: “If you want to be my disciple, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me." 

When I think back to that moment, it would have been an easy "yes" to follow Jesus to Haiti if I already had the approval of my parents. It seemed like God wanted to see if I was willing to follow him no matter what.

I was willing, and I did. I remember telling my dad the next day after making my decision to deliver the news. I could tell he was skeptical of my calling, but knew that if God really wanted me to go, there was nothing he could do about it. He said we'd know for sure if the money was raised in time. 

This was a bit nerve-wracking due to the fact that I had about $60,000 dollars to raise in less than 4 months. But, I knew God was able.

As time drew on, my dad's heart slowly started to shift (even before the money was raised). During my benefit night, he signed up to sponsor me at a lofty amount per month; when I spoke at our family's church in attempt to raise funds, I could tell he was proud as he gave me a fist bump and a hug; and one day he asked about the price of flights and later said, "well, it looks like I'll be going to Haiti."

To fast forward to a couple weeks ago, he did just that. He came to Haiti.

It was more than a blessing to watch him love the Haitian people, serve wholeheartedly to build a home, spend time with our students, share his testimony with boys who could relate, and best of all, see his heart change. God probably brought my dad here to give him a fresh perspective and a transformed heart for the third world; but in return, He blessed my socks off. And get this: he will be returning soon (hopefully with my mom and sister, fingers crossed). I cannot wait for what God has in store!

This, my friends, is proof that God is faithful and following Him is completely worth it! 

Oh, and my baby brother tagged along for his first time out of the country! Isn't he handsome?

MEET LELE

Meet Lele. He is one of the goofiest and fun-loving kiddos around. The combination of his smile and laugh has the power to turn anyone's bad day into a good one. Although he's a big boy who just graduated kindergarten and is in 1st grade now, he still showers me with hugs and lets me kiss him.

Lele humbles me. He, along with his many siblings, live in a poverty-stricken village with their mother. Although they have few material possessions, some of their most basic needs are not met, and they go without many meals,  you'd never know it.  His mother can always be found in the front row at church praising Jesus with all her might, while Lele and his siblings can be found with the biggest of smiles, having fun, and causing a ruckus! Why, a mere outsider might ask? I'm convinced it's Jesus.

A PRETTY BIG DEAL

Yesterday concluded our second week of school for our students in their beautiful, new classrooms! Last year, many of our classes were held in tattered army tents, while others were split up into sections of our church pavilion. As the ribbon was cut on the first day, we could not help but cheer with loud voices, big smiles, and excited hearts. As you can probably imagine, it was a pretty big deal. You can see a video of the action here. My heart is overflowing with joy as I think about what God has done and will continue to do in this place!

Here's just a small glimpse of what went down:

HERE GOES NOTHING

On a rather cloudy and humid afternoon, we arrived in a village called Source Matelas to visit some of our students from Grace Emmanuel School. First stop: Julie's house. I remembered visiting her before, but I could not remember her story. After exchanging names and how are you's, she disappeared into her home. She quickly returned, waving at us to come in.

Upon entry, I noticed the dreadful heat and poor living conditions. To my right was a pregnant woman lying on the floor, three children sitting next to her, and another young woman sitting in a chair with a baby in her lap. I was told that over 11 people live here. In my opinion, this was not a pleasant place to live; but by looking at Julie's smile, you would never know the difference. "Do you live with your Mom?" I asked. She replied with a quick, "No, she is dead." I asked about her dad to find out that he lives elsewhere with her step mom, and that she lives with her sisters and cousins.

My heart sank. I do not like hearing stories and witnessing situations like this; but this is why I am here. This is my job. I am excited to go deeper with the students at Grace Emmanuel School as I visit their homes and get to know their stories. I get to come alongside them and their families in attempt to love them like Jesus would.

This, although beyond my qualifications, is what God has called me to do...to take a risk by being Jesus in Haiti to those who are less fortunate, vulnerable, and broken. I am sure it will be difficult and full of heartbreak, but I am eager for what is in store as I journey onward. So, here goes nothing! Or perhaps, something.

"...not because I was qualified, but because I had showed up." 

– Conor Grenan, Little Princes

THE VILLAGE

Going to the village is one of my favorite things to do. I love spending time with people. There's something about being invited into someone's home, being offered to sit in one of their only chairs, getting to know them, and praying with them. But of course, I love being amongst the children most. The contrast of their beautiful dark skin and bright white smiles makes my heart go pitter patter. Here are a couple snapshots from one of my many visits to Source Matelas.

I WISH I WAS BLACK

Can I be honest with you? Sometimes, I wish I was black. Doing ministry in a third-world country makes things interesting, especially considering a massive majority has the opposite skin color of my own. [Beautiful dark skin, I must add.] Everywhere I go, I am labeled as the "blan" who has loads of money and is automatically seen as better than everyone else. Blending is the furthest thing from possible.  

But if my skin color creates such problems, why would I be called to this place? 

Good question. I really hope you were not looking for an answer, because I do not have one. I often question why the Lord would call me to a place I am unfamiliar with and to a people I do not really relate to.  But then again, I remember Apostle Paul's calling:

"...Paul said: “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city. I studied under Gamaliel and was thoroughly trained in the law of our ancestors. I was just as zealous for God as any of you are today. I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison,  as the high priest and all the Council can themselves testify. I even obtained letters from them to their associates in Damascus, and went there to bring these people as prisoners to Jerusalem to be punished...When I returned to Jerusalem and was praying at the temple, I fell into a trance and saw the Lord speaking to me. ‘Quick!’ he said. ‘Leave Jerusalem immediately, because the people here will not accept your testimony about me.’ ‘Lord,’ I replied, ‘these people know that I went from one synagogue to another to imprison and beat those who believe in you. And when the blood of your martyr Stephen was shed, I stood there giving my approval and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.' Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go; I will send you far away to the Gentiles.’" - Paul, Acts 22:3-5, 17-21

Paul's conversion could have been a great example of Jesus' transforming power to his fellow Jews. And he was not just any Jew. He was top notch, trained under the best of the best, and one who persecuted many Christians. However, God decided that it would be best to call Paul elsewhere: to a people he heavily tormented, to a people he did not relate to, to a people who disliked him. I am not exactly sure why God chose this route for Paul, but the fruit of his ministry is quite evident in remainder of the New Testament.

So, what does this truth mean for me exactly? I am not promised to be called to my "area of expertise." I am not promised to be called to a comfortable place. I am not promised that it will be easy. Although it does not always make sense from a mere earthly perspective, I can rest assured that God knows best.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

neither are your ways my ways. 

As the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways 

and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

- The Lord, Isaiah 55:8-9

HAITI'S NEXT TOP MODEL

In my humble opinion, I think this young lady is one of the most beautiful individuals on the planet. The pairing of perfect natural lighting + a lovely girl willing pose for the camera was too good to pass up. These photos turned out wonderfully thanks to her stunning complexion, smile, and well, let's be honest: her entire face.

MY SOUL SISTER

Words cannot describe how thankful I am for this gem, but I'll do my best.

About 2 years ago, Lauren and I became Facebook friends. Why would two strangers do that? We both loved Haiti, and more specifically, the people of Jesus in Haiti Ministries. About 6 months after that, we decided it was time to become real life friends. Two other friends and I (who also love Haiti) decided to meet up with Lauren halfway between our homes in Indiana and hers in Ohio. We chatted for hours about our passion for Jesus, the Haitian people, and how we desire to be missionaries. Ever since, we spoke often and started becoming great friends. 

I had some conversations with God awhile ago that if he wanted me to come to Haiti, I would need a friend (whether that was a girl my age or a husband, I didn't care). And not just any friend, but a good one. 

Shorty after, I got word that Lauren made the decision to start fundraising for her move to Haiti that coming January. And to fast forward, that January I returned to Haiti for the 3rd time to scope out my potential future there. (In case you haven't read my story, I decided to move to Haiti on my flight back home from that trip.) 

Little did I know when we first met that Lauren would be the friend God would have for me in Haiti. Someone to encourage and be encouraged by, pray with, confide in, spend time with, and co-labor alongside. He didn't put just anyone here for me to do life with; He handpicked my soul sister. Literally, we have almost everything in common. This is just tangible proof that God is capable of blessing us immeasurably more than we can imagine. Moral of the story: God is a faithful and quality provider.  

Thank you, Lauren, for following Jesus to Haiti. I can't wait to see how our friendship unfolds as we serve alongside each other in this place we love and call home.