A LOFTY PRIVILEGE


"To enter into loving people and possible loss, is to enter into suffering, to enter into the daily hurts and heartaches. To soldier on well we must have an understanding of suffering or we will let it overwhelm us and stomp out God’s goodness, and then we become a martyr rather than an overcomer." -- Sarita Hartz

Jesus promised pain and suffering. Paul suffered. Mary suffered. Peter suffered. Stephen suffered. Jesus himself suffered. Must I continue?

I gather this: I cannot live a gospel-motived life without suffering. Yes, maybe there will be seasons where suffering doesn't seem so dang prevalent. But in reality, it will come. 

For some, it may never leave. 

So wether I am stuck in the hot, dusty valley, climbing up the never-ending mountain in the blazing sun, or working my way back down the mountain (which is must easier than the original climb, but still a tedious task as you must work hard not to tumble down to the bottom), suffering is inevitable.

But that doesn't mean I have permission to sulk in a self-pity filled, woe-is-me, negative Nancy kind of attitude. 

Again, Sarita puts is perfectly:

"Expect that there will be pain in this life and in what you do for the Kingdom. Decide that you won’t let it make you a martyr. Decide to not let the unfairness of this life make you bitter. You will face the disappointments and rise, because you know ultimately all things do work together for the good of those who love Him. He is working out the beautiful tapestry of your life in ways you can’t even imagine. He knows everything you need to fulfill your call. He doesn’t waste a single one of your tears. I believe He has a bottle in Heaven of each tear I’ve cried. He will not waste any of your suffering or any opportunity to shape it for your good and for the good of many others."

Thankfully, amidst the trials, Jesus has promised that he'll never, ever leave or forsake us. We overcome because he already overcame. No matter what kind of terrain I find myself on, I can rest assured that my suffering is not in vain. In fact, I should count it as a lofty privilege to suffer for Jesus' name sake. I am a warrior on the frontline of battle! As Paul puts it, "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

(If you haven't read a blog post from Sarita Hartz, you're missing out. If you are a missionary, going to be, was at one point, or just want to understand a missionary better, go and read her stuff. She says all the things I don't have words for and deeply encourages my soul.)

NEVER, EVER FORGET

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."


Over the weekend, we celebrated the death and resurrection of Jesus. Many times, I had to fight back the tears as I thought about the goodness of our God. Jesus, in all his glory, humbled himself by coming to earth to sacrifice himself for the sinner (a.k.a. all of us).

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly."

This was the most perfect sacrifice. Now, we are not saved by perfecting the law or the bloody and tedious task of sacrificing animals; we are saved by our mere belief in the risen Son of God. We reap the benefits of his miraculous death and resurrection due only to his love for us. We have done nothing to deserve or earn it. We were chosen before time, adopted as his own. And there's nothing, absolutely nothing, that can separate us from this unmeasurable love.

I, a sinful woman, am now counted as righteous. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I've gone from slave to free, broken to renewed, lost to found - all because of the blood shed on the cross over 2,000 years ago. 

This moment in history is on the calendar to be celebrated once a year, but that same moment should be what drives us all to our knees daily. The King of kings came down and rescued us all! We, undeserved, broken humans, are deemed spotless in the presence of God.

May we never, ever forget that. 

However, his saving grace never promised a life of bliss (maybe that's what we'll get when we arrive in Heaven). He actually promised quite the opposite. We WILL suffer, we WILL face trials of many kinds. But thankfully for us, Jesus claimed victory over this life. In him, we have already won! 

"In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world!"

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."

So, may this incredible truth not only be celebrated once a year, but spur us to live daily with a zeal that cannot be contained. Amen.

IT IS WORTH IT

Life in Haiti has been far from what I expected. I am currently in my fourth month and have been struck with the realization there will be more rough days than delightful ones. There have been many moments where I find myself stuck in the valley, drained and frustrated.

I used to think missionaries in foreign lands were "super Christians" who had it all together. I'm now realizing this is not true. Missionaries, like everyone else, need lots and lots of grace. I will be the first to admit, as the old hymn says, "I need Thee every hour." 

Although that reality currently rings true for me right now, I can say with full confidence that following Jesus is worth it all. From getting attacked with hugs from a mob of kindergarteners, to being followed around everywhere by the same two first grade girls everyday, to building relationships with unexpected students, to loudly singing songs about Jesus, to seeing the excitement in a young face when I visit their home. It is worth it. 


Every moment I spend at the school and in the village visiting homes, I am reminded of why I am here: to radiate the love of Jesus as I enter into their lives. So although life here has been difficult, I feel fortunate to serve Him in this way. I cannot wait to see what God has in store as I continue serving the beautiful students of Grace Emmanuel School. 



"Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me."  —Psalm 144:1-2

GOD IS WITH ME

There are many stories of struggle, pain, and grief amongst the 275 students of Grace Emmanuel School. There is one story in particular that has left me broken, filled with joy, and encouraged all at the same time. I’m convinced, however, his story is far from over.

One day at school, I asked one of our older students if I could visit his home soon. He did not hesitate to say yes. A few days later, we took off in a tap-tap (sorta like a taxi) after school to his home in Cabaret, a village north of GES. We walked for awhile on this hot and dusty day until we finally arrived. When we reached his property, we pushed through a mangled tin gate reading “knock before entering” in red letters.
We walked through his sheer curtain of a front door to find his one room home. There was a bed, two pillows, a side table filled with the bare essentials (tooth paste, matches, nearly empty bottle of cologne, soap, comb, brush, a battery powered light, and a small radio), a broken cooler, some bowls and buckets stacked up, and a chair. He lives alone with the company of his small dog. His dad died when he was 14, and his mom died two years ago. He has two sisters, both living elsewhere. He has no nearby family member to turn to. He “supports” himself on the weekends by cleaning shoes at the market with an old brush. He does not go to church anymore because he lacks the proper attire. One time while he was gone, someone had stolen his clothes due to not having a proper front door with a lock.
His house was made up of an unfinished wood frame, a tin roof, walls made of tarps, blankets, cardboard, and scrap wood, and a dirt floor. There is a gap in the roof, causing problems when the rain comes. As I sat beside him on his uncomfortable bed, I noticed one of his pillows was covered with an old shirt instead of a pillow case. He does not eat often. His only reliable meal is the one provided at school; and at times, he is able to provide another meal with the money he makes on the weekends.
When I asked if he was a Christian, he said he accepted Jesus into his life a long time ago. His favorite thing bout Jesus is how He came to die on the cross for our sins. He shared that many times at night, something comes in and presses him down on the bed, making him unable to move or speak. He said it has happened more times than he can count. 
I considered this a perfect opportunity for prayer, truth, and encouragement. I shared with him that his oppressor is the enemy, and that the power of Jesus is much greater than evil spirits or demons of any kind. I read Mark 9:14-28 with him, letting him know Jesus reigns.  I encouraged him to use the power of Jesus through prayer for help and demanding the spirit to leave and never come back in His name. I prayed over him and his home for protection from the enemy, and that he would always remember Jesus in times like those. 
I asked if he owned a Bible. He has a small one in French, a language he does not speak. He said he can only understand some of it. “If we got you a Bible in Creole, would you read it?” With assurance he replied, “Yes.” I promised I would get him one and highlight passages that have to do with his spiritual warfare.
After learning all this information about his life, I was speechless. From what I have seen at school, he can always be found wearing a warm smile. When I asked why, despite all he goes through, he said, “God is with me.” That day, I walked away encouraged. What a beautiful, inspiring example of faith in its rawest form. 
A few days later, Gerson came up to me at school asking about his new Bible. “Come get it from me after school,” I said. He walked in the office, I pulled out his brand new Bible, and flipped through the pages showing him the highlighted passages. As I handed him this precious gift, he flashed me a heartwarming smile accompanied by a thank you.


To fast-forward a few weeks later, Gerson’s sponsor came to Haiti. Knowing Gerson needed help with his housing situation, his sponsor wanted to pay him a visit. After chatting for awhile and praying over him, I asked whether or not the enemy continues to oppress him at night. He said no, but that he had a terrible dream the night before that someone disguised as his sister came into his house and tried to kill him. He woke up and immediately pulled out his Bible, opened up to the Psalms, and read a passage. He said he was able to fall right back to sleep peacefully. What incredible faith. 

Gerson and his sponsor, Bruce
And to put the cherry on top of this story, his sponsor offered to pay to help renovate his home. Now, thanks to his sponsor and a visiting group, Gerson’s unstable living situation is now a durable home. It went from walls of blankets, cardboard, and mangled pieces of tin, to walls of siding; his curtain entryway became a real door with a lock; and his roof no longer has a gaping hole inviting the rain to enter in. 
As I was sitting in the yard watching them finish up the house, tears began to fill my eyes. God is a magnificent Storyteller, and I’m thankful I get to be here to watch it unfold. As Katie J. Davis perfectly wrote in her book Kisses from Katie, “I am blown away that my God, who could do this all by Himself, would choose to let me be a little part of it.” 

I WISH I WAS BLACK

Can I be honest with you? Sometimes, I wish I was black. Doing ministry in a third-world country makes things interesting, especially considering a massive majority has the opposite skin color of my own. [Beautiful dark skin, I must add.] Everywhere I go, I am labeled as the "blan" who has loads of money and is automatically seen as better than everyone else. Blending is the furthest thing from possible.  

But if my skin color creates such problems, why would I be called to this place? 


Good question. I really hope you were not looking for an answer, because I do not have one. I often question why the Lord would call me to a place I am unfamiliar with and to a people I do not really relate to.  But then again, I remember Apostle Paul's calling:

"...Paul said: “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city. I studied under Gamaliel and was thoroughly trained in the law of our ancestors. I was just as zealous for God as any of you are today. I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison,  as the high priest and all the Council can themselves testify. I even obtained letters from them to their associates in Damascus, and went there to bring these people as prisoners to Jerusalem to be punished...When I returned to Jerusalem and was praying at the temple, I fell into a trance and saw the Lord speaking to me. ‘Quick!’ he said. ‘Leave Jerusalem immediately, because the people here will not accept your testimony about me.’ ‘Lord,’ I replied, ‘these people know that I went from one synagogue to another to imprison and beat those who believe in you. And when the blood of your martyr Stephen was shed, I stood there giving my approval and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.' Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go; I will send you far away to the Gentiles.’" - Paul, Acts 22:3-5, 17-21


Paul's conversion could have been a great example of Jesus' transforming power to his fellow Jews. And he was not just any Jew. He was top notch, trained under the best of the best, and one who persecuted many Christians. However, God decided that it would be best to call Paul elsewhere: to a people he heavily tormented, to a people he did not relate to, to a people who disliked him. I am not exactly sure why God chose this route for Paul, but the fruit of his ministry is quite evident in remainder of the New Testament.

So, what does this truth mean for me exactly? I am not promised to be called to my "area of expertise." I am not promised to be called to a comfortable place. I am not promised that it will be easy. Although it does not always make sense from a mere earthly perspective, I can rest assured that God knows best.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
neither are your ways my ways. 
As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways 
and my thoughts than your thoughts." 
- The Lord, Isaiah 55:8-9

HOME SWEET HOME

I've made it! I've officially spent one full week in my new home here in Haiti. I figured that arriving would make it all a bit more real feeling. But, nope! Still surreal. Maybe it will change when I stay a few months and realize I'm not going home to the US; or maybe when I visit my family for a week and return back to Haiti. Who really knows.


All I know is that I am more than thrilled to be here full-time. To invest more deeply in the lives of the Haitians that I love so much. To build intentional relationships and share the light of Christ with all I encounter. I'm thrilled for what God has in store. I know it won't be easy; and I know there will be times where I just want to feel "normal." But in reality, my life should probably never feel that way.

Following Christ is abnormal. Full of wonder, mystery, and adventure. And the best part? We know the end of the story! Jesus wins. I remember chatting with my friend, Lindsay, and she went on about how being a chid of God is fun. Although I know it won't always feel that way, I totally agree!

I pray that I will always remember these words from Paul's experience as I continue on in this journey: "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13