COMING TO AN END

For some time now, I've been contemplating leaving Haiti. I kept that thought tucked away because I didn't want to have to face the heartbreak that would follow. 

How could I ever actually bring myself to say goodbye? I've met some of the most incredible people, people who have forever marked my heart. 

This place is often hard, overwhelming, and stressful. 

However, this place has become home. And as what home often does, its beauty outweighs the broken pieces. I have an immense love for this place beyond what mere written words would ever describe. If I were asked to do it all over again, including the pain and suffering, I wouldn't hesitate to say yes.

Although it makes me cry to think of leaving (tears are welling up as I type these very words), I know it’s time. And God has filled my heart with peace.

I’ll never forget the words a dear brother in the Lord shared with me when I first started feeling that my time in Haiti was coming to a close in April of this year:

“God was there before you arrived. God has been there while you’ve been there. God will be there when you leave.”

It is those words that make my heart rest easy. His thoughts and ways are much higher than my own. God sees and knows the Haitian people so dear to my heart, and he loves them more than I ever could.

With that said, I will be leaving Haiti at the end of December. It seems crazy to put that into words; I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around it yet. I never realized this moment would actually come. Although my heart is heavy and sad to leave the kids and the people I have built relationships with, I have peace in my heart that this is the right decision. I shed about a million tears when I told the students I would be leaving. Saying my goodbyes is going to be rough, to say the least.

There are many factors that went into this decision.

One of my goals in moving to Haiti was to eventually work myself out of a job and pass it on to Haitian staff. I believe that Grace Emmanuel School can funtion effectively without my presence. I am confident that students will be loved and taken care of, and that the school will continue to thrive. By the time I leave, I will have spent 1.5 years beyond my original commitment to this work. 

Over the past 3 years of living in Haiti, I have faced trauma, pain, and obstacles beyond my control. This past year in has been particularly discouraging. Although I have learned a lot in the midst of the suffering, the stress has taken a toll on my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. I believe it is essential that I take care of myself (or rather, let God do that).

I am confident that I'm not leaving as a failure, although the devil is really trying to convince me of that. In the midst of the hard stuff, I have learned and grown beyond what I could have ever imagined or asked for (even if that came with cursing a little bit more). And I pray that God has been glorified through my life here.

Although my journey in Haiti is coming to an end, I have some exciting things brewing for the near future, making my departure a little bit easier. My plans are not completely set in stone yet, but I am planning to move to South Florida sometime in the beginning of 2018. I don't want to leave Haitian culture completely behind, so I've chosen to continue using the knowledge of the language and culture through living amongst Haitians stateside. 

What exactly will that look like? I don't know yet! I'm hoping to find work with a non-profit that works with Haitians or work as a teacher in a school with a large Haitian population. Regardless, I'm looking forward to whatever lies ahead.

To those of you who have supported my Haiti journey, I cannot thank you enough. I am beyond grateful. The fruit of my labor and the growth in my heart would not have been possible without your faithful partnership.